is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
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One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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