you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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