No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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