Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
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its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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