Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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