dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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