I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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