I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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