After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
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standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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