oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
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I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
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just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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