Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize