so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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