You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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