We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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