i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
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Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
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Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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