So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
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Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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