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He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
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