They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
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We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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