Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
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If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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