Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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