oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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