i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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