Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize