i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize