you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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