She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
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Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
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Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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