Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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