I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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