I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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