My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize