Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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