My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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