He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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