Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I puked a lego.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
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threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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