My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I wish i was in the wii world.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
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The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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