are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize