why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize