Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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