is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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