How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize