My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
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Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
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He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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