dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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