Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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