She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
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I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
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He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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