saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
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my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
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You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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