I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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