You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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