I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
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We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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