for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
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My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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