i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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